A Rant About Jumping to Conclusions

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Twitter is a fickle place; we all know that. People come and go constantly. You find someone you get on well with, become friends and then one day they vanish. My spare time is limited these days, so I am a rare visitor to Twitter. If I do look in, it’s generally a quick glance rather than scrolling right through my whole timeline.  I don’t avidly monitor follower numbers like some seem to and, although it is sad to see people you get on well with slip away, everyone has their reasons for doing so. And I wouldn’t blame anyone for this as, quite honestly, I’m not a particularly interesting account to follow nowadays.

Earlier in the year, I realised that it had been some time since I had been in touch with someone I was quite friendly with. I went to our previous DM exchange to send a message, but found I was blocked. I was puzzled by this, as we had always got on well and I knew it was unlikely that I had done something to offend them. And, of course, it could have been a mistake. Over the next few months, I checked a couple of times and found I was still blocked. Earlier this week, I found I had been unblocked and I sent the person a message. There was a plausible and legitimate explanation for the blocking, which I guess involved all accounts that had an adult theme.  It would have been nice to have been warned it was going to happen, but I was pleased to be back in contact over and above anything else.

I also became aware this week that a long-term follower, and someone I had considered to be a friend, had blocked me. Again, I could think of no logical reason why they would do this. I messaged them through other means to ask why they had blocked me and explained that I was puzzled by it. The reply was that it was because I had unfollowed them on Twitter. I hadn’t unfollowed them. Most people who use Twitter know that random follows and unfollows happen frequently. I explained this to the individual concerned. This possibility appears not to have crossed their mind. But, apparently, I was still public enemy number one, as I no longer interacted on Twitter and had not replied to a message sent some time ago. I never received the message, as I was no longer using that particular app. As for not interacting any more, I pointed out that my timeline had very little interaction with anyone, as I no longer had the time to spend on Twitter (although I always respond to DMs).  It seemed that the person concerned jumped to the incorrect conclusion that I was deliberately ignoring them and shutting them out. Instead of sending me a DM or an email, they decided that the appropriate way of approaching the matter was to block me, even though I was completely oblivious to what had happened.

I have noticed on my rare visits to Twitter that there is usually some sniping on my timeline from people reading between the lines and jumping to conclusions about other’s lives. That is a general observation and is not aimed at anyone in particular!   So much context is lost in messaging and on social media and, unless someone specifically tells you the facts, it is impossible to establish what is going on in a person’s mind, or life, purely from reading a few tweets, or from a prolonged silence.  Try giving people the benefit of the doubt sometimes, or better still try and communicate properly with them. Interaction is a two way process. Being friends with someone doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be in constant contact and a lengthy silence shouldn’t be taken as a personal affront, nor should it cause doubt over someone’s integrity. I am not particularly one for inspirational quotes, but I think the image below sends a profound message.

A Rant About Being Asked to Follow on Twitter

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Twitter is a great place most of the time, but one thing that irks me on occasion is when someone asks me to follow them. These are examples of recent requests:

Where’s the follow?’

‘Follow back’

‘Follow me’

‘Follow so we can DM’

The common factor in most messages like these is that the person requesting rarely uses any niceties. If I wanted something from someone, I would add a please and thank you into my request. Good manners cost nothing in life. So, immediately, messages like those above raise my hackles.

I decide who I follow and I choose to follow accounts that I find interesting, intelligent, amusing, witty, friendly, informative etc. I do not expect those accounts to follow me back. I am interested in what they tweet, but this does not necessarily mean that the feeling is mutual. Nor would I expect it to be. My tweets and pictures won’t appeal to all that I follow and that is absolutely fine.

I am not interested in following accounts that just retweet stuff, especially porn and intimate shots, which is often the case with a lot of those who ask for a follow.  Nor am I interested in reading about football or any other sport. And as is common with those who ask to be followed, there are rarely any original tweets on their timelines.  And, of course, what people tweet is their business – it has nothing to do with anyone else, but the choice of material is not going to be of interest to everyone.

These accounts frequently ask for a follow after they have paid you a compliment. Other than that there has usually been no interaction. It’s not a trade-off – thanks for the compliment, but it does not give you the automatic right to be followed. And good interaction requires more than a comment of ‘nice tits’.

I also get annoyed that there often seems to be an assumption by these accounts that I should want to DM with them, which I don’t.  Just because I tweet the occasional cheeky picture and write a blog that makes reference to sex does not mean I want to receive lewd private messages or see pictures of cocks. I must just point out that for anyone that I do follow and who already DMs, please continue!

Another reason that I don’t follow many people is because I like to keep my timeline manageable,  so I can read everything on it and interact when I can, and have the time to. If I followed hundreds, even thousands of accounts like some seem to, that would be an impossibility.

In case anyone thinks I am a diva, a prima donna or a bit above myself in dictating my rules regarding following  on Twitter, I can assure you I am not.  Most of us on Twitter are normal, everyday people; we are not celebrities, nor are we better or worse than anyone else. Being followed by a woman who is a bit of a saucy minx is not a badge of honour!  I am grateful that people are interested in my account and choose to follow me, but that is not necessarily going to be reciprocated. But I might follow if you are interesting and I like what you tweet.  If anyone changes their mind and chooses to unfollow me, that’s fine – our tastes and interests change over time. But quality of followers and not quantity is always key for me.

 

 

 

Wicked Wednesday #3: Highlights of 2015

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I decided that I would like to write something for this latest prompt of ‘Summarize’, as I have been thinking over the events of 2015 recently.  I am not sure I would class them all as achievements or accomplishments; I think some could be defined as experiences or quite minor events.  But they have all had an effect on my life or provided enjoyment in some way. And they are not all sex-related!

One thing that I like to do is put a lot of detail into things. I have realised that with my blog posts. I like to ensure that all the facts are there and there is a logical flow. Although, no one else will obviously know if any detail is missing, I  know and I like things to be done properly –  I am very conscientious.  I have deliberately written this as a list  to stop me from giving huge amounts of detail!

Highlights of 2015 (in no particular order)

  1. Starting this blog.
  2. Trying to learn and understand WordPress.
  3. Becoming more confident at sharing my thoughts and writing frankly about sex and other life issues.
  4. Getting the confidence to take part in various blogging memes including Sinful Sunday, Boobday and Wicked Wednesday.
  5. Getting my first Wicked Wednesday post picked as one of Rebel’s top 3.
  6. Visiting a naturist spa.
  7. Addressing the issue of lack of sex in my marriage.
  8. Experiencing new sexual partners.
  9. Feeling sexually attractive and desirable.
  10. Experiencing oral sex again after an absence of 20 years. And getting an orgasm!
  11. Plucking up the courage to ask for a Doxy for my birthday.
  12. Reading extensively and gaining a new perspective on the issue of monogamy.
  13. Taking some sexy selfies in public places.
  14. Making some wonderful friends on Twitter.
  15. Experiencing some ‘interesting’ Skype calls with a great Twitter friend on the other side of the world.
  16. Undertaking training for some voluntary work involving public speaking for a charity.
  17. Visiting the V&A museum and Tate Modern for the first time in London.
  18. Undergoing some successful surgical treatment for an eye condition.
  19. Making some new (and good) friends in real life.
  20. Having a successful course of laser hair removal.
  21. Spending enjoyable holidays at the seaside in Norfolk and Dorset.
  22. Seeing an abundance of red squirrels at Brownsea Island in September.
  23. Getting round to replacing my passport, which expired three years ago.

I am slightly irritated that I have not got a nice round number of entries in my list. In 2016 I shall endeavour to keep a journal of positive events to make this task easier next time!

Click the button to see who else is participating in Wicked Wednesday

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

A Brief Encounter

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 A secret account.

Trying to get noticed.

Won’t take no for an answer.

Persistent messages.

Finally chatting.

A great rapport.

Built slowly over months.

Shared secrets.

Trusting too easily.

A mid-life crisis?

A request for a lunch date.

A meeting at a station.

A pleasant surprise.

Can it be the same person?

An afternoon of culture.

Matchstick men and dogs.

A definite spark.

A reluctant goodbye.

A flurry of messages.

A poem at dawn.

Too good to be true?

Bombarded with messages.

Made to feel special.

Phone calls galore.

Another meeting planned.

Statues at the beach.

Another poem.

Showered with messages.

Made to feel wonderful.

Secret meeting in a park.

Swamped with messages.

‘I can’t wait to see you’.

Poems abound.

False promises made.

An illicit overnight stay.

Full of passion.

A few revelations.

Back to reality.

Altered behaviour?

A notch on the bedpost?

Perhaps it’s imagined.

Fewer messages.

Another meeting dawns.

Seems enthusiastic.

But a bombshell is dropped.

Something has happened.

A peculiar thing.

Really hard to believe.

A stressful week follows.

Then ‘ I still want to see you’

But something feels wrong.

Emotions take over.

Messages aplenty.

Talking me round.

An afternoon of lust.

But something is missing.

Left alone to travel home.

No message that evening.

Feeling used and angry.

12 hours later.

‘Did you get home ok?’

Too late really.

To ask that question.

Messages dwindle.

Excuses made.

Christmas comes.

New Year passes.

Minimal contact.

Not a priority.

Conscious not to chase.

But a blunt question asked.

‘Yes, I still feel the same’.

Not convinced.

A meeting planned.

Not sure how I feel.

Needn’t have worried.

Cancelled that day.

Not surprised.

Contact feels forced.

This needs to end.

Blunt question again.

Do you want to continue?

‘I can’t wait to see you’.

A fool for believing.

Follow your instincts.

A new date is made.

But to no avail.

Two days later.

Dropped.

From a height.

Excuses.

Feeling stupid.

For trusting and believing.

And not giving up.

Allowing such treatment.

Left wondering who the biggest fool is.

Secret Twitter Accounts: A Modern Mid-Life Crisis?

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One thing that has struck me since I have been using Twitter is the number of ‘secret accounts’ that are out there. The definition of secret presumably being that the ‘other half’ doesn’t know about it. It would appear that we are all looking for something more; a new and exciting dimension to our everyday lives. ‘Humdrum’ was a term used by a fellow secret account holder to sum up their life.

Some of you may remember a BBC sit-com called Butterflies, from the late seventies, in which Ria Parkinson, a 40-something middle-class housewife, wanted to make her mundane life more exciting and formed a secret relationship with Leonard, a successful, divorced businessman. The relationship remained innocent and was never consummated, despite an obvious desire by both parties to have sex. Ria was married to Ben, a dentist, who never knew of Ria’s mid-life crisis, or her relationship with Leonard.

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To me, the themes that run through Butterflies have an awful lot in common with the secret accounts of Twitter; apart from the fact that Leonard probably never gave Ria a picture of his cock, unless he went to the trouble of getting a roll of film developed by Truprint.

We seem to be looking for fun, passion and excitement; a phrase which a few Twitter friends will have heard me use before. Our relationships must be missing something fundamental if we can share our innermost thoughts, secrets and desires with virtual strangers, yet our partners remain oblivious to the people we long to be.

Perhaps it’s the thrill of doing something illicit and having a second ‘virtual’ life/dirty secret. Maybe it’s reaching a certain age, when our own mortality is getting closer. We can all no doubt remember the excitement of setting up an account and getting those first few followers. But also quickly realising that a good proportion of Twitter has a secret account, and that there are similarities between many marriages in terms of lack of sex, attention and affection. Or is it just a bit of harmless fun? After all, we only live once.

Twitter seems to provide a medium for us all to be the person we secretly wish to be.  I am in my forties and was acutely aware that if I didn’t take the plunge and reveal my hidden desires and true personality, and say and do things that I may not have the courage, or chance, to do in real life, then I might never do so. A mid-life crisis maybe? Some people portray an image of being a ‘playboy’ or a ‘serial shagger’, yet in reality, they are the complete opposite and would run a mile given the opportunity to be the person they pretend to be online.

It’s interesting to wonder how many online secret friendships remain on a virtual level and technically innocent in nature, like Ria and Leonard. But is that enough for us, and will it satisfy any impending mid-life crisis?  Or will meeting our Twitter crush be an anti-climax and shatter the illusion we have of that person?

None of us are in a position to judge each other for the reasons behind our secret accounts. We are all outside looking in and don’t know the circumstances of other people’s lives. Only the parties in a relationship know what goes on behind closed doors. But, of course, you never really know who you’re talking to on Twitter; could our partners have a secret account too?!

Body Confidence

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So, why do I choose to post ‘sexy selfies’ and show my boobs and bum on Twitter?  Well, there are two reasons: first, it has helped to improve my body confidence enormously and, secondly, to be frank, I enjoy doing it. I have never been a ‘skinny chick’. Far from it. But I never thought of my body in a positive way as being voluptuous or curvaceous; only in a negative way as fat, plump, overweight or one of the multitude of other derogatory terms used in society.

I was always ashamed of myself for not having a flat stomach and felt I had to profusely apologise to boyfriends who saw me naked for the first time. In the workplace, I was generally more rotund than the other girls of my peer group and I carefully avoided the ‘how much do you weigh?’ discussions that inevitably occur in office chit-chat. Even my mum reinforced the belief that I was fat by frequently telling me that I would do well as a belly dancer as my belly wobbled so much! I had to conclude that having a washboard stomach seemed to be the most important life goal for the majority of women, but I knew that was never going to be a possibility for me.  Consequently, I never really believed that ‘larger’ women could be considered as desirable and attractive. A belief I held until last year.

Since around the age of around 18, I have had a bit of an exhibitionist streak, which has rarely been allowed to surface, due to my poor body confidence and less-than-enthusiastic partners. Having reached a point last year, where it was time to push a few boundaries, I decided to find out for myself if anyone really did embrace the ‘curvier’ figure and would genuinely find my body shape and size attractive. At the same time, it would give me an opportunity to explore my exhibitionist side.

I set about with my long-suffering iPad and experimented, over several days, with various images, finally deciding that a black and white filter was kinder to the flesh, which also gave me a bit more confidence that I might look marginally attractive. It took an awful lot of courage to post the first few pictures on Twitter. They didn’t get much response, as I had very few followers, but that wasn’t important. What mattered to me was that I had gained the courage to show a body that I was fundamentally ashamed of.

I pushed myself to post a picture nearly every day and I quickly began to get some wonderful comments from people; many of whom are still loyal followers nearly 12 months on. Those pictures were, and always will be, tasteful, and hopefully are considered as erotic by some. I enjoy taking the photos and I try to be creative and vary the images.

I don’t post photos as regularly as I used to but, when I do, I am still delighted by all the positive comments I receive. Reading them brings a smile to my face, and I try to reply to each one.  I don’t think I have ever received a negative or nasty comment, but I know that others have and it truly saddens me that a few narrow-minded people feel curvy women should stay covered up. Voluptuous and curvaceous is sexy and curves really do rock!