Chemistry

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I wanted sex

No strings or ties

But where to start?

I found a site

That seemed just right

For getting laid

That’s all I wanted

A simple profile

Led to 500 replies

I was overwhelmed

And appalled at some

I wanted a connection

Chemistry was key

I replied to a few

A pattern commenced

A handful of messages

A coffee date

Trying to force interest

No real attraction

But it’s only sex

Is chemistry important?

A  stream of fresh hope

One sparks my interest

He sounds a bit different

But perhaps a touch arrogant?

And no flexibility

Too much competition

No thank you sent

Six months pass

Several experiences

Disillusioned by now

I’d rather stay celibate

Profile deleted

A new year commences

I’ll try again

Rewritten profile

I am firm in my words

It scares them away

He appears again

Not remembering me

His profile intrigues me

I send a message

He replies straightaway

 I’m never going to meet him

No more married men

We talk frankly and openly

On a regular basis

I don’t plan to meet him

He tells me about tantra

He wants a regular partner

No more one-offs

But I’m never going to meet him

Eventually I relent

I’m interested in tantric

We meet for a coffee

He’s not what I expected

Not arrogant at all

We kiss in the street

He says I’m great

He’s keen, very keen

I like him a lot

We meet for sex

He’s still very keen

I wonder why

What does he see in me?

We meet each week

For sex in a hotel room

We message each evening

We start to meet socially

And message more frequently

The sex gets more intense

He’s loving and caring

Passion abounds

He tells me often

He’d be lost without me

I feel special and loved

And sexy and desirable

He’s kind and gentle

And good with his hands

The orgasms I give blow him away

He tolerates my rants

And my skewed way of thinking

He never tires of my company

The feeling is mutual

He grins broadly

When we’re together

Because he’s with me

Our kisses are electric

And spark every nerve

Our chemistry is visible

He is my soulmate

We were meant to be

 

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My Special Friend

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This prompt is another suggestion of the lovely Charlie Powell of Sex Blog of Sorts: Friend.

Do you have a special friend? One, more? How did you become friends? How do you classify friendship? Did you have friendships that ended? Why? How did the end of the friendship affect you? Or maybe you have a friend with benefits? Tell us more about that?

I have made no secret, here on this blog, of my search for a ‘friend with benefits’. The background to  this can be found here.

Earlier this year, I met a very lovely man, who is in a similar position to me. We met onlne, as is the norm these days. I had actually rejected his advances for a few months, but his persistence in pursuing me eventually paid off and I agreed to meet him for a coffee.  We subsequently agreed to meet again a few days later at a hotel.

I was incredibly nervous at that second meeting and he attempted to relax me with a sensuous tantric massage. It worked and I eventually started to loosen up enjoy the feel of his hands on my body. I  gave him a blowjob. And from that day things have gone from strength to strength. We usually meet at a hotel once a week but also enjoy each others’ company beyond the bedroom.  We meet for coffee, go for lunch, go away overnight occasionally, speak by phone when we can and exchange several messages each day. Plus other misadventures… We also help each other in our respective work lives as our skills complement each other.

He is very affectionate and tactile, which is very important to me as I love cuddling, fondling and kissing.He loves my boobs and can’t get enough of them. We have similar interests and I have learned a lot about tantric sex and how to give a slow and sensuous lingam massage. Early on in our relationship, we talked about unfulfilled fantasies and sexual experiences, and was very encouraging in this respect. He is keen to watch me with other people and to see the effects of one of my lingam massages…  That is not a request for volunteers…

I  didn’t expect that a friendship of this type could be as loving and caring. I have never felt uncomfortable in his presence and generally feel I can talk to him about most things. He definitely knows more about me than anyone else. I don’t think the terms ‘friend with benefits’ or ‘fuckbuddy’ are really appropriate to describe our relationship. I think the term ‘lover’ is a more accurate description.  It’s not perfect; there is the occasional thing that frustrates me about our arrangement.  And the nature of it means that what  we would like to do  doesn’t always go ahead. But, on balalance, things are pretty good. He knows that I won’t tolerate any bullshit or being messed around. He frequently tells me he feels lucky to have me, and my reply is always to agree that he is very lucky indeed!

He does make me happy and I feel blessed to have him in my life.

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F4TF#4: What is Sexy?

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What is sexy? Is it appearance, is it an attitude, or is it just some unfathomable quality that you see in someone?

As human beings, we are unique. We have differing views and opinions in life, including what we consider to be sexy.  Having sat and thought carefully about what I think is sexy, I believe it applies just as much to appearance, physical acts, attitude, and personal qualities and attributes. Here are some of the things (and people) that I consider to be sexy.

Tall men

Expensive-smelling aftershave and cologne – especially getting a waft as a stranger walks past

Individuality

Creativity

The Hairy Bikers

Jersey trunks/boxer shorts

A smile from a stranger

Kindness and consideration for others

Bodily imperfections

Being genuinely interested in the other person and what they have to say

Men with grey hair

A nice bottom

Running my hand the wrong way over very short clipped/shaved hair

Watching a man put a condom on or doing it for him

Curvaceous and voluptuous women

Kissing

Nails being run across my back or doing the same to someone

Men with a nice rounded belly

Being respectful

Men in motorcycle leathers

Mr Bates, the valet, from Downton Abbey

Intelligence

Greg Davies

Quiet determination

Laughter

Men who enjoy wearing women’s knickers

Eye contact

 

See the other thoughts here…  https://foodforthoughtfriday.wordpress.com/

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Wicked Wednesday #3: Highlights of 2015

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I decided that I would like to write something for this latest prompt of ‘Summarize’, as I have been thinking over the events of 2015 recently.  I am not sure I would class them all as achievements or accomplishments; I think some could be defined as experiences or quite minor events.  But they have all had an effect on my life or provided enjoyment in some way. And they are not all sex-related!

One thing that I like to do is put a lot of detail into things. I have realised that with my blog posts. I like to ensure that all the facts are there and there is a logical flow. Although, no one else will obviously know if any detail is missing, I  know and I like things to be done properly –  I am very conscientious.  I have deliberately written this as a list  to stop me from giving huge amounts of detail!

Highlights of 2015 (in no particular order)

  1. Starting this blog.
  2. Trying to learn and understand WordPress.
  3. Becoming more confident at sharing my thoughts and writing frankly about sex and other life issues.
  4. Getting the confidence to take part in various blogging memes including Sinful Sunday, Boobday and Wicked Wednesday.
  5. Getting my first Wicked Wednesday post picked as one of Rebel’s top 3.
  6. Visiting a naturist spa.
  7. Addressing the issue of lack of sex in my marriage.
  8. Experiencing new sexual partners.
  9. Feeling sexually attractive and desirable.
  10. Experiencing oral sex again after an absence of 20 years. And getting an orgasm!
  11. Plucking up the courage to ask for a Doxy for my birthday.
  12. Reading extensively and gaining a new perspective on the issue of monogamy.
  13. Taking some sexy selfies in public places.
  14. Making some wonderful friends on Twitter.
  15. Experiencing some ‘interesting’ Skype calls with a great Twitter friend on the other side of the world.
  16. Undertaking training for some voluntary work involving public speaking for a charity.
  17. Visiting the V&A museum and Tate Modern for the first time in London.
  18. Undergoing some successful surgical treatment for an eye condition.
  19. Making some new (and good) friends in real life.
  20. Having a successful course of laser hair removal.
  21. Spending enjoyable holidays at the seaside in Norfolk and Dorset.
  22. Seeing an abundance of red squirrels at Brownsea Island in September.
  23. Getting round to replacing my passport, which expired three years ago.

I am slightly irritated that I have not got a nice round number of entries in my list. In 2016 I shall endeavour to keep a journal of positive events to make this task easier next time!

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Food For Thought Friday: No Strings Sex

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This is the first time that I have taken part in Food for Thought Friday and this is a good week to start, as the subject matter is one that is quite topical for me at present…

Is it possible to have a long-term ‘no strings’ sexual relationship?

I have blogged before about the fact that I am married, but the sex in my marriage gradually died out and is now non-existent. I did raise the subject with my husband earlier this year, but he made it clear that he is not interested in sex for various reasons. He agreed that if I felt the need to be sexually satisfied, then I should go ahead and seek other sexual partners.  I have no wish to enter into a full-blown emotional relationship with another man, and my mindset is very much that it is purely for sex.  I have come to understand that we cannot expect to get all of our needs in life met by just one person.

However, I would not have sex with someone just for the sake of having sex – I do think a spark, some chemistry or a connection of some kind is essential, so that you actually want to have get naked and have sex with this person. Apart from one drunken encounter on a Greek island 25 years ago, I’ve never been interested in one night stands after the pubs shut. I want to feel desired for who I am and have an enjoyable experience, not just a quick fumble and fuck.

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I have had a couple of experiences over the last few months, which I  hoped would turn into long-term, occasional sexual relationships. The first one was with anti-condom man. He seemed an ok guy, but when I discovered his irresponsible attitude to safe sex, it was never going to go any further. He was very formal and a bit uptight, so I didn’t feel like I could really be myself in his company. I couldn’t have envisaged laughing uproariously and making innuendos like I normally would. It was nice to be naked and intimate with someone, but there was no connection between us.  So when it fizzled out, I wasn’t particularly bothered. It was a good first experience of no-strings sex, as I felt no emotion or sense of loss.

The second one was a bit of a different character altogether. We had been messaging for four months before me met. I did enjoy exchanging messages as he was very interesting and intelligent and I felt we developed quite a good friendship through those messages, but I was starting to think that he really only wanted a penfriend. To cut a long story short, we did have sex on the third occasion that we met. He was very passionate and I felt comfortable with him and felt we could have an ongoing friendship too. However, his attitude towards me changed after that day.  He reckoned he felt guilty and talked about how he was a very emotional person. I am somewhat sceptical to be honest given some of the things he previously said, but if he is speaking the truth then he can’t obviously handle the emotional side of no-strings sex. He knew exactly what he was doing and it was not for the first time either. My only feelings were ones of annoyance at him blowing hot and cold and a bit of sadness for loss of what I thought was a decent friendship.

So, although my experiences have been short-term so far,  I do believe that it is possible to have a long-term, no-strings sexual relationship with someone. It’s just finding the right person(s) with whom you have the right chemistry and a similar mindset! But, of course, feelings are unpredictable and I suppose it would be possible to develop emotional feelings, but if you don’t try the experience, you will never find out how you fare in this type of situation.  And as I don’t plan to be celibate for the rest of my life, I intend to continue to enjoy finding out!

See how other people answered here on the Food for Thought Friday blog

 

A few words on the magic of daydreams

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I have always been a daydreamer. My school reports always said ‘… is a daydreamer’ or ‘spends too much time daydreaming’. And nothing has changed. I still while away hours, deep in thought,  daydreaming… wondering about what ifs, paths I wish I had chosen in life, missed opportunities …. The magic of daydreams is often so much better than the harsh realities of life.

One of the things I often daydream about is sex. I imagine being lusted after, being desired, being told I’m beautiful and sexy, having opportunities to try new experiences, being confident of my sexuality, feeling a stiff cock pressing in my back, driving someone crazy with desire… You get the picture.

I feel like I live in a fantasy world sometimes, as the reality is that none of this happens in my life at present.

But I am hopeful that the magic I daydream of will become reality soon enough. And I know that it’s only me that can make that magic happen. But it will happen.

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Wicked Wednesday: Monogamy

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I haven’t participated in Wicked Wednesday before, but when I saw the prompt of Monogamy, I felt I should put some of my thoughts down, as it is a subject that is very much on my mind at the moment.

A couple of months ago, I wrote a blog post about the lack of sex in my marriage, which is due to a number of reasons. In that post, I considered whether non-monogamy might be the way forward for our marriage. I read a great deal around this subject before suggesting it as a possibility. I subsequently posted an update on my blog, following discussion of the issues with my husband. To summarise, we have very different sexual desires, including his immense dislike of any type of oral sex, and he has no interest in sex at the present time. This is a paragraph from the update.

One constant throughout has been his appreciation of my frankness and honesty. But, he admitted that he can’t provide me with sexual fulfilment and acknowledged our differences in that respect. Consequently, he has given me freedom to seek other sexual partners if I feel the need for fulfilment, However, for him, sex is not a priority at present.’

Following that discussion, which was two months ago,  we have not discussed the matter again, and I think perhaps that has been a mistake on my part. I felt quite emotionally drained after the last discussion, and it took some time for me to accept my new situation.

Our day-to-day lives seemed to get back to normal pretty quickly, and it is almost as though nothing has changed. But, I am conscious that it has.

Incidentally, we usually communicate well on all other aspects of life and marriage, and used to communicate well regarding sex. He has a huge amount of freedom to pursue his technical interests and I never complain about the amount of time he spends on them. I know a lot of women would not be quite as tolerant. But it is important to have flexibility and give-and-take in a marriage, and I think that applies to monogamy too. Particularly when desires and needs in a relationship are poles apart.

The thing that is playing on my mind the most is setting some guidelines for the arrangement to work. I had planned to raise the matter for discussion again this week, but each time I went to say something,  I stopped myself.  I know this sounds ridiculous as I have done the hard bit in raising the subject initially, which he was appreciative of. I don’t want to be deceitful, so it is important that I know if he wants me to tell him if I have made arrangements to meet someone, or whether he would prefer that I kept things to myself. I know that the key to any type of open relationship is communication, communication, communication!

I am worried that raising it again will hurt and distress him. But the silly thing is that he prefers plain talking. and I suspect he might think I have already had meetings given his consent in our last discussion. I think the new ‘elephant in the room’ might be caused by me feeling guilty.

I contemplated forgetting the whole idea, but I really want, and need, some passion, and to experience being desired again. I know that if I keep avoiding the matter and it does end up forgotten, I will deeply regret a  missed opportunity.

 

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Online Dating the Old-Fashioned Way

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The expression ‘online dating’ seems to crop up everywhere nowadays. Websites such as  e-Harmony, Match.com and Plenty of Fish are thrust at us constantly. It’s the cool way to try and meet the person of your dreams and, of course, totally socially acceptable.

However, meeting a partner through a dating agency wasn’t always considered to be hip. In fact, quite the opposite is true. You were sad, a social outcast, desperate even,  if you had to resort to paying an agency to introduce you to a potential partner.  The shame of it…

Let me take you back to 1996…

I had ended a six year relationship and after a few months of singledom felt it was time to go on the hunt for a new man.  I was in my late twenties and having met the majority of my previous boyfriends in pubs and clubs, I felt this was not something I wanted to do again. But how else was I realistically going to meet a decent man? My workplace was definitely not an option. Most of the guys I knew were attached, so short of bumping into ‘Mr Right’ in the street, it was unlikely to happen. I knew of a couple of girls at work who had met their partners through an agency called Dateline and although they were fairly open about the fact, they were the subject of a lot of office gossip. My mum also had a friend that had met her husband through the same agency, and had suggested that I should think about joining. I was appalled at the suggestion. I wasn’t a sad character. I didn’t need to join the ranks of the ‘desperately seeking’ .  However, over the next few weeks, the idea grew on me. So, I decided that it wouldn’t hurt just to find out a little bit more.

I was an avid reader of Cosmopolitan back then, which was one of the glossy magazines where Dateline placed their colourful ads showing cheesy grinning couples. I cut the reply coupon out, filled in my details and posted it off with apprehension.

A few days later, I received a glossy A4 folder containing various forms, leaflets and a paperback book, which told the reader how they could find love with Dateline, and featured some success stories. It sounded perfect. Too good to be true.  They convinced me to join. What could ever go wrong?

You were required to fill in a very lengthy questionnaire, mainly consisting of multiple choice questions,  which attempted to elicit as much information as possible about an individual. I recall that one of the questions asked how attractive you thought you were. The choices were average, attractive or very attractive; I boldly ticked attractive. The magical Dateline computer would then process all the answers you provided and churn out a list of perfect matches. The cost of membership was £150 per year. For that you got an initial list of six names of potential matches, and your name would also appear on lists sent to  people you were matched with. I convinced myself it was a good investment to find everlasting love.

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This is how I imagined the Dateline computer to be (Image from Carry on Loving – 1970)

A week or so later, I received my list of matches. Six names, addresses and telephone numbers of men within a 20 mile radius of my home. Reality then hit. I was going to have to pluck up the courage to contact these men. I decided to leave it a few days to get used to the idea.  Once I felt bold enough, I looked down the list of names. Which name to pick? I decided the first one was the best place to start, I was a nervous wreck. Just the kind of woman you want to call you on a Sunday evening. He answered, and I introduced myself and said I had received his name from Dateline. He informed me, in a very pompous manner, that he had met someone already. Not a pleasant experience and I decided I didn’t have the nerve to do it again. So, I decided to write a letter to the next name on the list, Jonathan. By hand, using proper writing paper – it was before the internet and email were in common use in homes, and I didn’t have the luxury of my own PC and printer back in 1996. I recall that I spent ages drafting a letter to Jonathan, and no doubt filled it with complete drivel.

Meanwhile, I received a phone call on my landline a few days later from a guy called Mark; he had received my details from Dateline as part of his list of six names. We had a brief, nervous chat, and arranged to meet in a local pub on Saturday lunchtime.

I was incredibly nervous as I walked into the pub. No photos were used by Dateline, so you had no idea what someone looked like before you met them. You relied on a few brief details exchanged beforehand.  We did find each other, and the date lasted about an hour. That was enough. He was incredibly boring and just the kind of person I didn’t want to meet, He went to great pains to tell me about how he liked to watch ‘The Magic Roundabout’ when he was ill. He told me that he liked to take his time with these things and didn’t fall in love on a first date, but he might contact me again. I wanted to tell him that he was quite safe from my attentions and not to bother contacting me again, but instead smiled sweetly and said that I understood.  I felt quite unsettled by the whole process. If he was the type of guy I was going to end up meeting, I’d rather not bother. I stopped to buy a bottle of brandy on the way home. To make things worse, when I got home, there was a reply from Jonathan waiting for me; he had met someone from outside Dateline.

That was it as far as I was concerned. I was not going to contact anyone else and if I got any more calls, I would say I wasn’t interested.

A week or so later, I got another call. My resolve not to bother went out of the window. Another date was set up. And then it started in earnest. I received call after call, night after night. I didn’t arrange to meet everyone I spoke to, but in the space of three months, I met 16 men. One day, I had a date at lunchtime and another in the evening.  I met some of them two or three times  One thing that was common throughout was that most of the men I spoke with, and met, worked in professions where there were few women, with engineering being the most common.

I also had my fair share of dating disasters along the way. I was stood up a couple of times. Bored to tears a number of  times. But if was all fairly innocent, as in no sexual encounters. In fact, there was never any suggestion of any, and to be honest nothing was further from my mind. Apart from a guy called Alex that is. We met quite a few times, and he was a bit quirky, quite different to all the others that I met. He came round to my house for a meal one night, and I had suggested that he stay over (in the spare room) so he could have a drink. I was hoping that he might sneak into my room during the night. But to my disappointment, he didn’t. I decided to take him a cup of tea the next morning, and my clumsy attempts to seduce him failed. So that was the end of that.

The last man I met through Dateline was with no 16.   Shortly afterwards, I received another letter from Jonathan telling me that he was now single. I wrote and told him that I had now met someone. And the not-so-lovely Mark did contact me again, some two months after we met. I took great delight in telling him I was inundated with male attention, and I would not be meeting him again.

And I ended up getting married (eventually) to no 16…

 

Lack of Sex in Marriage – The Elephant in the Room

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On a number of occasions, I have made humourous remarks on Twitter about married people not having sex. Judging by the ensuing banter, many people find themselves in this situation. I have also had numerous private conversations regarding this subject. No doubt there are many married couples who manage to maintain amazing and fulfilling sex lives, but there are those of us that don’t have regular, or indeed any, sex.

Certainly communication is an issue. Sex becomes ‘the elephant in the room’ – it’s too awkward to discuss the fact that there is no intimacy; perhaps too much time has gone by, so we ignore our desire for a basic human need and pretend everything is ok.

No doubt there is a multitude of reasons for this: loss of spark, boredom, physical and mental illness, medication, getting older, incompatibility; I could go on. I suspect the expression ‘familiarity breeds contempt’ rings true in a lot of cases. And, of course, it applies equally to both sexes.

I haven’t had sex with my husband in around 18 months. We haven’t slept in the same bed for 12 months. This is for a number of reasons:  incessant snoring, frequent bathroom visits, bouts of insomnia, 3am alarms =8pm bedtime on the previous night, etc… Plus his work regularly takes him away from home for several days at a time. And I do actually sleep much better by myself, so it just seemed easier to sleep separately.

Like most couples, when we first met, we had sex fairly regularly and it was ok. The usual initial passion you find with a new partner, apart from his dislike of oral sex, which was and still is a problem for me. But, I have never truly felt completely and utterly desired by him, as he indicated very early on in our relationship that he had never been sexually attracted to larger women (I was nearly two stones lighter then than I am now), but liked me so was trying to overcome this. This obviously did little for my confidence and ever since have felt unattractive and certainly not desirable. He has never told me that he finds my body beautiful and sexy.

He also told me he had a kink for corporal punishment and its association to footwear. This was a new thing for me, and I was happy to participate in role plays on a regular basis, although it held no sexual appeal for me.   As I have mentioned previously, I have an exhibitionist streak, which is not his kink,  so this has never been explored together. The suggestion by me, many years ago, of some erotic outdoor photography filled him with complete horror. As does the idea of women going out in public without knickers on. He doesn’t get any sexual pleasure from intimate looking and touching, or from boobs. Only from spanking and footwear.

Looking back, I realise that I was happy to have found a decent man and, at that time, did not see sex as a particularly important issue.

Over time, the number of occasions that we had sex dwindled, as is usual in a lot of relationships. He took a job that involved living at the other end of the UK, so for a couple of years we only saw each other every 6-8 weeks. I lost my sex drive completely due to stress and bouts of anxiety and depression linked to my work. I rejected his limited advances at times because of this. When I did feel like having sex, I felt awkward making the first move due to the length of time that it had been since any physical contact. As time went by, I became increasingly aware that he found it difficult to have sex without thinking of, or mentioning, corporal punishment in some way.  He assured me he didn’t rely on it, but I have never been able to shake off the feeling that he did, and I found this gradually put me off having sex with him, as I felt it was taking over.

So, all in all, since we got married eight years ago, we’ve had sex a handful of times.  I bravely made the first move on the last occasion. That was more out of my need than a desire for him.  And you are no doubt wondering why we bothered getting married.

Our relationship is akin to sister and brother. We rub along ok in general. We don’t argue very often. We laugh and joke. He’s kind and generous. He’s always there if I need him.  He’s thoughtful. He opens doors for me.  Together, we’ve been through a lot of the unpleasant things that life throws at you. The emotional connection is there. There are a lot of positives.  And yet, occasionally, I feel like I’m living with a stranger. He has no idea how I feel deep down about sex.  I have changed dramatically since we last had sex 18 months ago.  I am more confident about my body. I know that I am sexually attractive. My sexual needs and desires are stronger. There are experiences I would like to try.   I feel that I am now at my sexual peak and want to make the most of it instead of trying to suppress it.

I have read a great deal around the area of sexless marriages and the advice given is sensible and obvious. Usually centred around communicating with each other about sex, and possibly getting some counselling.  But what do you do when the fundamental reasons for not having sex aren’t going to change?  Our sexual interests and what turns us both on are so different. He can’t fulfil my needs and desires. I am no longer sexually attracted to him and I don’t think he has ever really had a true desire for me. Yet, our relationship is sound in most other areas. I know that having sex with other people without his knowledge is not the answer.

I have started to wonder whether there is something to be said for consensual non-monogamous relationships. Can we ever be all things to one person? Perhaps we need someone to love and nurture us, with our sexual needs being satisfied by other people. I don’t just apply this to my own needs. I have questioned whether his strong need for corporal punishment is being suppressed by me.

Sometimes, when I think about the area of open relationships, it makes complete sense, yet at other times I feel ridiculous for even considering it.  After all, it’s the sort of thing other people do, not me. Isn’t it?

We have never discussed this area, so I don’t know how he would feel.

When I read this finished post, it sounded like a really tragic story, yet I suspect that it is not too dissimilar to other people’s experiences. And I apologise to anyone who thinks I am being selfish and should be satisfied with what I have and the love of a good man.

The elephant in the room is becoming harder to ignore, so I know that we will have to discuss it soon.

A Matter of Taste: Oral Sex

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I recently had to attend a dentist appointment and, as frequently happens, the dentist was running considerably behind schedule. Having exhausted my Twitter feed on my phone, I picked up a recent  copy of a magazine aimed at young women and flicked through the usual inane adverts and articles. I am not usually interested in most of the ‘bilge’ contained in magazines. but an article on sex advice from friends and family caught my eye.  One quote, in particular, touched a nerve with me and has played on my mind since the appointment. So, today, when I returned for further treatment, I was relieved to find the magazine was still there, so I could take a photo.

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It’s absolutely correct – cunnilingus is very important. I also recently read a great blog post on oral sex from Sex Blog (of sorts)  which had got me thinking about the subject.

For me, receiving and giving oral sex has always been very important and almost every partner I have had has been delighted to participate. I was introduced, at the age of 17, to the wonders of oral sex by my first boyfriend, and it was this that gave me my first orgasm, although being a bit naïve at the time, I didn’t realise what the amazing sensations were that I was feeling. It’s not just the pleasure that oral sex brings; I think that the whole experience is one of the most intimate and erotic that two people can share.

When I met my husband, 18 years ago, he told me that he didn’t enjoy oral sex, he hated the taste of going down on a woman and it made him feel sick. He did try, but did not enjoy it  and it stopped after a few attempts – never to be repeated, or discussed again. Incidentally, he doesn’t like to be on the receiving end either. I convinced myself that it didn’t matter; I was so glad to find a decent man, that I thought that I could forget about it. It was just one element of a sexual relationship and it is, of course, unfair to expect people to perform sexual acts that they find distasteful or don’t enjoy. I pushed it to the back of my mind, but, over the years, often thought about what I was missing.

Sadly, like many long-term relationships, the sex has dwindled over time and is now non-existent, but that is something I might address in another blog post, rather than here. Oral sex is something that has never really been there and I doubt that talking about it will change anything.  And hindsight is a wonderful thing.

I bought a Sqweel from Lovehoney, which is ok, but is a bit too light in touch and doesn’t really hit the spot for me, and of course, there’s no hair and head to grab hold of…

From the comments, photos and videos on my Twitter timeline, so many men love the intimacy and the experience of going down on a woman. It makes me very sad to think of what I am missing out on and that I may never experience the pleasures of oral sex again.