Wicked Wednesday#3: My First Time

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The prompt for Wicked Wednesday, this week, is Virginity.

I had sex for the first time at the age of 17, with my first ‘proper’ boyfriend, who was 21. He was a giant of a lad, who was 6’5″ and 20 stone, and played amateur rugby. I was a painfully shy and timid person at that age; I still am shy to some extent, but nothing like the person I was back then.

We had been going out for a few months before we had sex. He was very restrained from what I recall and apart from some groping and one attempt to put his hand in my knickers, we had not gone any further. However, I had started taking the pill in anticipation of the big event. He told me that he had never had sex with anyone else before, but I was always doubtful about that, as he was definitely a typical rugby player and a bit of a ‘lad’. Although, with me, he was always a gentle giant.

We were in his bedroom at his mum and dad’s house one Sunday afternoon, when I suddenly decided that today was going to be the day. ‘Make love to me’, I declared boldly.  I recall that statement quite vividly. So he did what I asked. I think there was very little foreplay, as I certainly was not wet and it was painful as he struggled to enter me.  I remember wondering when the fireworks and amazing sensations were going to start. They never came, but he did. Quite quickly.  It was all quite an anti-climax. I had been building up to this moment for so long, imagining all sorts of wonderful pleasures. I felt cheated somehow and was left wondering what all the fuss about sex was. This feeling was made worse by me not being too thrilled about the mess left afterwards, either.

I was quite naive about sex back then.  Sex education at home and at school had consisted of a brief description of how sex was a functional process for making babies. I knew, of course, from the media and listening to others, that it was also to be enjoyed, but I didn’t know anything about getting aroused beforehand. I thought that the magic ‘just happened’.

I was shortly to realise how pleasurable other forms of sex could be though. I can’t remember whether it was on the same day, or on another occasion, but he introduced me to the delights of oral sex.  Being naive, I thought that sex only happened when a man was on top of a woman. It was a complete revelation to me that anyone would use their mouth for sexual pleasure. But, I was overwhelmed with how good it felt and it was only a few days afterwards that I realised the sensations experienced were me being brought to orgasm with his tongue. After that, neither of us could get enough of oral sex. He loved going down on me as much as I enjoyed him doing it. I recall him being quite intrigued with how incredibly wet it made me.

Sadly, I have never encountered any further partners who were as willing and skilled with their tongue, or had the same ability to make me feel sexy and desired. Maybe, as an innocent 17-year-old, I was more relaxed. I didn’t have body confidence issues then and, surprisingly, for one so timid, I had no inhibitions in talking about sex with him and never felt self-conscious, as I knew his desire for my body and to pleasure me was genuine.

We felt incredibly grown-up when we bought the ‘Joy of Sex’ and its sequel and spent many happy hours experimenting with its various suggestions.My curiosity around sex was certainly awakened, and I realised that I had an exhibitionist streak, which he actively encouraged.

We went out for two years before, inevitably, the desire and sex waned. The relationship ended when I started my first full-time job and discovered what else life had to offer. But, I have always had a penchant for tall and well-built men ever since.

See the other Wicked Wednesday tales here.

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

An Update on the Elephant in the Room

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A few weeks ago, I wrote a post regarding lack of sex in marriage. It seemed to make an impression on many people, as I received an overwhelming number of comments, tweets, DMs and emails from others willing to share similar stories. Thank you to everyone who contributed.

Particular thanks to The Shingle Beach for recommending a book entitled Rewriting the Rules by Meg Barker. The book examines the rules society places on relationships, and covers areas such as love, attraction, sex, monogamy and conflict, and considers ways of rewriting the rules and how we can adapt them to fit into our own lives. I found it to be a very interesting read and it certainly made me stop and question some of my own values. I think it would be of benefit to any type of relationship, not just anyone considering non-monogamy.

I decided that the best way of approaching the matter with my husband would be to let him read the blog post, along with another I had written regarding oral sex.  Finding the right moment to approach the subject was tricky, mainly due to me losing my nerve a couple of times and the fact I’d decided to raise it while we were away on holiday.

He seemed pleased that I’d raised the matter, which he agreed was overdue for discussion. We had a long talk and he obviously felt somewhat inadequate, which saddened me. We were both a bit exhausted by the talk, and the matter didn’t get discussed again until we returned home. Having both had a chance to mull things over by then,  we ended up having a more heated discussion where our marriage was laid bare. A lot was said – some of which was painful to hear and say. But digging into the mechanics of a marriage and assassinating each other’s characters is always going to be a painful experience. He said that he had lost interest in sex and, despite having told me otherwise, he can only get aroused by thinking or participating in corporal punishment activities. Which is as I had always thought. But even CP is not doing it for him at present. Oral sex, for him, is definitely not an option, and he does not understand why men get pleasure from going down on women. And, of course, we all have different likes and dislikes.

We both needed some space and the fact that he was due to go away for three days for work was welcome respite.

On his return, we talked a lot of things over. Neither of us want to split, but there are a few cracks there, which we both need to work on.  One constant throughout has been his appreciation of my frankness and honesty. But, he admitted that he can’t provide me with sexual fulfilment and acknowledged our differences in that respect. Consequently, he has given me freedom to seek other sexual partners if I feel the need for fulfilment, However, for him, sex is not a priority at present.

I feel strangely detached from it all at the moment and it feels a bit surreal. I’m certainly not filled with a feeling of euphoria, as one might imagine from being put in a position of consensual sexual freedom. For us, the rules have certainly changed and it will take a period of adjustment. I acknowledge that it is an unusual situation, and one that some people may not understand, or think is wrong. I am sure I will get used to the idea in time; until then, the male population is quite safe…

Raising the subject of sex with your partner can be awkward and emotional, as I have found out. But, in the end, acknowledging the elephant was the right thing to do and hopefully it will stay out of the room in future.

A Matter of Taste: Oral Sex

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I recently had to attend a dentist appointment and, as frequently happens, the dentist was running considerably behind schedule. Having exhausted my Twitter feed on my phone, I picked up a recent  copy of a magazine aimed at young women and flicked through the usual inane adverts and articles. I am not usually interested in most of the ‘bilge’ contained in magazines. but an article on sex advice from friends and family caught my eye.  One quote, in particular, touched a nerve with me and has played on my mind since the appointment. So, today, when I returned for further treatment, I was relieved to find the magazine was still there, so I could take a photo.

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It’s absolutely correct – cunnilingus is very important. I also recently read a great blog post on oral sex from Sex Blog (of sorts)  which had got me thinking about the subject.

For me, receiving and giving oral sex has always been very important and almost every partner I have had has been delighted to participate. I was introduced, at the age of 17, to the wonders of oral sex by my first boyfriend, and it was this that gave me my first orgasm, although being a bit naïve at the time, I didn’t realise what the amazing sensations were that I was feeling. It’s not just the pleasure that oral sex brings; I think that the whole experience is one of the most intimate and erotic that two people can share.

When I met my husband, 18 years ago, he told me that he didn’t enjoy oral sex, he hated the taste of going down on a woman and it made him feel sick. He did try, but did not enjoy it  and it stopped after a few attempts – never to be repeated, or discussed again. Incidentally, he doesn’t like to be on the receiving end either. I convinced myself that it didn’t matter; I was so glad to find a decent man, that I thought that I could forget about it. It was just one element of a sexual relationship and it is, of course, unfair to expect people to perform sexual acts that they find distasteful or don’t enjoy. I pushed it to the back of my mind, but, over the years, often thought about what I was missing.

Sadly, like many long-term relationships, the sex has dwindled over time and is now non-existent, but that is something I might address in another blog post, rather than here. Oral sex is something that has never really been there and I doubt that talking about it will change anything.  And hindsight is a wonderful thing.

I bought a Sqweel from Lovehoney, which is ok, but is a bit too light in touch and doesn’t really hit the spot for me, and of course, there’s no hair and head to grab hold of…

From the comments, photos and videos on my Twitter timeline, so many men love the intimacy and the experience of going down on a woman. It makes me very sad to think of what I am missing out on and that I may never experience the pleasures of oral sex again.