A Rant About Jumping to Conclusions

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Twitter is a fickle place; we all know that. People come and go constantly. You find someone you get on well with, become friends and then one day they vanish. My spare time is limited these days, so I am a rare visitor to Twitter. If I do look in, it’s generally a quick glance rather than scrolling right through my whole timeline.  I don’t avidly monitor follower numbers like some seem to and, although it is sad to see people you get on well with slip away, everyone has their reasons for doing so. And I wouldn’t blame anyone for this as, quite honestly, I’m not a particularly interesting account to follow nowadays.

Earlier in the year, I realised that it had been some time since I had been in touch with someone I was quite friendly with. I went to our previous DM exchange to send a message, but found I was blocked. I was puzzled by this, as we had always got on well and I knew it was unlikely that I had done something to offend them. And, of course, it could have been a mistake. Over the next few months, I checked a couple of times and found I was still blocked. Earlier this week, I found I had been unblocked and I sent the person a message. There was a plausible and legitimate explanation for the blocking, which I guess involved all accounts that had an adult theme.  It would have been nice to have been warned it was going to happen, but I was pleased to be back in contact over and above anything else.

I also became aware this week that a long-term follower, and someone I had considered to be a friend, had blocked me. Again, I could think of no logical reason why they would do this. I messaged them through other means to ask why they had blocked me and explained that I was puzzled by it. The reply was that it was because I had unfollowed them on Twitter. I hadn’t unfollowed them. Most people who use Twitter know that random follows and unfollows happen frequently. I explained this to the individual concerned. This possibility appears not to have crossed their mind. But, apparently, I was still public enemy number one, as I no longer interacted on Twitter and had not replied to a message sent some time ago. I never received the message, as I was no longer using that particular app. As for not interacting any more, I pointed out that my timeline had very little interaction with anyone, as I no longer had the time to spend on Twitter (although I always respond to DMs).  It seemed that the person concerned jumped to the incorrect conclusion that I was deliberately ignoring them and shutting them out. Instead of sending me a DM or an email, they decided that the appropriate way of approaching the matter was to block me, even though I was completely oblivious to what had happened.

I have noticed on my rare visits to Twitter that there is usually some sniping on my timeline from people reading between the lines and jumping to conclusions about other’s lives. That is a general observation and is not aimed at anyone in particular!   So much context is lost in messaging and on social media and, unless someone specifically tells you the facts, it is impossible to establish what is going on in a person’s mind, or life, purely from reading a few tweets, or from a prolonged silence.  Try giving people the benefit of the doubt sometimes, or better still try and communicate properly with them. Interaction is a two way process. Being friends with someone doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be in constant contact and a lengthy silence shouldn’t be taken as a personal affront, nor should it cause doubt over someone’s integrity. I am not particularly one for inspirational quotes, but I think the image below sends a profound message.

A Rant About Being Asked to Follow on Twitter

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Twitter is a great place most of the time, but one thing that irks me on occasion is when someone asks me to follow them. These are examples of recent requests:

Where’s the follow?’

‘Follow back’

‘Follow me’

‘Follow so we can DM’

The common factor in most messages like these is that the person requesting rarely uses any niceties. If I wanted something from someone, I would add a please and thank you into my request. Good manners cost nothing in life. So, immediately, messages like those above raise my hackles.

I decide who I follow and I choose to follow accounts that I find interesting, intelligent, amusing, witty, friendly, informative etc. I do not expect those accounts to follow me back. I am interested in what they tweet, but this does not necessarily mean that the feeling is mutual. Nor would I expect it to be. My tweets and pictures won’t appeal to all that I follow and that is absolutely fine.

I am not interested in following accounts that just retweet stuff, especially porn and intimate shots, which is often the case with a lot of those who ask for a follow.  Nor am I interested in reading about football or any other sport. And as is common with those who ask to be followed, there are rarely any original tweets on their timelines.  And, of course, what people tweet is their business – it has nothing to do with anyone else, but the choice of material is not going to be of interest to everyone.

These accounts frequently ask for a follow after they have paid you a compliment. Other than that there has usually been no interaction. It’s not a trade-off – thanks for the compliment, but it does not give you the automatic right to be followed. And good interaction requires more than a comment of ‘nice tits’.

I also get annoyed that there often seems to be an assumption by these accounts that I should want to DM with them, which I don’t.  Just because I tweet the occasional cheeky picture and write a blog that makes reference to sex does not mean I want to receive lewd private messages or see pictures of cocks. I must just point out that for anyone that I do follow and who already DMs, please continue!

Another reason that I don’t follow many people is because I like to keep my timeline manageable,  so I can read everything on it and interact when I can, and have the time to. If I followed hundreds, even thousands of accounts like some seem to, that would be an impossibility.

In case anyone thinks I am a diva, a prima donna or a bit above myself in dictating my rules regarding following  on Twitter, I can assure you I am not.  Most of us on Twitter are normal, everyday people; we are not celebrities, nor are we better or worse than anyone else. Being followed by a woman who is a bit of a saucy minx is not a badge of honour!  I am grateful that people are interested in my account and choose to follow me, but that is not necessarily going to be reciprocated. But I might follow if you are interesting and I like what you tweet.  If anyone changes their mind and chooses to unfollow me, that’s fine – our tastes and interests change over time. But quality of followers and not quantity is always key for me.

 

 

 

A Rant About Sexual Elitism

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Several weeks ago, something was retweeted into my Twitter timeline, which made me feel uncomfortable and has played on my mind since.

It was from an account that had recently been created to offer private sex parties, by invitation, for couples. Nothing wrong with that at all. The thing that troubled me was that it specified that the guests had to be in good shape. By this I assumed it meant physically, as in having a toned and fit body. The photos of people who were obviously involved in this event showed slim bodies with washboard stomachs.

My reason for having a rant  is not because I had a burning desire to attend this particular sex party; it is because I find it sad that being seen as having an imperfect body (both male and female)  can imply somehow that you are not worthy of being sexually attractive or good enough to be included in this type of event.

I certainly wouldn’t fit the ‘in shape’ requirement and I doubt my other perceived imperfections would make me welcome among the ‘elite’ either. It just makes me wonder where those  who aren’t ‘in shape’ and don’t have gym-toned bodies and flat stomachs fit in with this kind of event should they wish to attend one?  That also includes those of us that society deems as unattractive or imperfect in other ways.   Are we all to be put into the misfit category and made to feel that our bodies aren’t attractive enough to be seen naked and to arouse others?

I personally prefer a cuddly man with plenty of flesh; a six-pack does little for me. And, certainly, according to the opinions shown on Twitter, many men love a larger and curvaceous lady.  The fact that we might have great personalities and  amazing sexual techniques seems to be irrelevant in certain circles.

Obviously, these are private events and the organisers are at liberty to invite or decline whomever they choose. And, of course, there are much larger, well-known companies offering similar events to the ‘beautiful people’ of society. A quick internet search revealed that the term ‘sexual elite’ is used by many organisers of sex parties and the majority specify that the participants have to be highly attractive. Sex isn’t the domain of the young, fit, able-bodied, slim and beautiful, etc etc, people of society! We all are capable of being sexy and experiencing sexual desire regardless of our imperfections!

I know that if I ever had the confidence and inclination to go to a sex party (never say never…), I wouldn’t want to be clothed or naked around anyone that displayed a shallow, narrow-minded attitude and judged anyone on their appearance or body shape/size. I would much prefer to be among a bunch of like-minded and kind-hearted people with big personalities and ‘imperfect’ bodies any day!

Hopefully, there are some people who have a non-judgemental approach and do offer well-organised and tasteful parties that do welcome all shapes, sizes and types of people without bias. Maybe there’s a business opportunity here – Miss Scarlet’s Sex Parties for the Proud Bodily Imperfect…!

 

A Rant About ‘Obesity’

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I recently decided to check my body mass index (BMI) on the NHS website. Apparently, I am considered obese as my BMI is 32.9. I am quite heavy and I am of average height for a woman, so I was not surprised by this score. It’s recommended that I should be eating between 1731-2225 calories per day. In reality I would be surprised if I did actually consume more than the maximum recommendation of 2225. I would love to be in the region of 10 stone and 6 pounds, the maximum ideal weight for my height, but I doubt that is ever going to happen again.

I know I am overweight, but…

I eat very healthily.

I don’t like high-fat food such as pastry, burgers and sausages.

I drink around 8 units of alcohol a week.

I eat lots of chicken, fish, fruit and veg.

I love cheese, but rarely eat, or buy it. I consider it a rare   treat.

I don’t have large meals.

I only use extra-virgin olive oil, in small quantities, to cook with.

I love puddings and chocolate, but I am very careful to limit these to occasional treats.

I generally don’t snack in between meals other than on fruit, or an occasional low-calorie biscuit.

I walk between 3 and 5 miles each day, at a relatively fast pace. I should probably do more vigorous exercise.

I wear size 14 jeans and leggings.

My top half is generally a size 18 because of accommodating my boobs!

I have normal blood pressure and cholesterol readings

I don’t smoke and never have.

I have no aches and pains or joint problems, but I do suffer from PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome), which can make weight easy to gain, but difficult to lose.

On my last visit for an over-40 health check, the practice nurse was surprised at my weight and didn’t think I looked as heavy as I was. However, I was pleased that she did not seem unduly concerned about it either.

I do have a fat belly area, and always have had, but my legs, bum and hips are not too troublesome.

I was interested to listen to Dr Malcolm Kendrick on the Steve Wright show on Radio 2 last week. He was talking about health myths, and it is interesting to hear there is no medical study to support that a BMI over 30 defines a person as obese. Apparently, a 650 page report from a World Health Organisation meeting in 1995, documented that:

‘the reason why we decided that a BMI of greater than 30 is defined as obesity is largely arbitrary’.

It was also interesting to hear that the evidence for the five portions of fruit and veg a day rule is non-existent. Someone, somewhere once decided this should be a guideline.

Clip from the Steve Wright show

Basically, the message from Dr Kendrick is, do what makes you happy, but be sensible and do some exercise. Which, of course, is all common sense.

I am finally learning to accept my body shape. If I am considered as obese by an arbitrary rating system, so be it. I know I lead a relatively healthy lifestyle and don’t abuse my body. We are all individuals, with differing factors affecting our bodies and health, and the labels attached to us by society aren’t always justified.