A Rant About Jumping to Conclusions


Twitter is a fickle place; we all know that. People come and go constantly. You find someone you get on well with, become friends and then one day they vanish. My spare time is limited these days, so I am a rare visitor to Twitter. If I do look in, it’s generally a quick glance rather than scrolling right through my whole timeline.  I don’t avidly monitor follower numbers like some seem to and, although it is sad to see people you get on well with slip away, everyone has their reasons for doing so. And I wouldn’t blame anyone for this as, quite honestly, I’m not a particularly interesting account to follow nowadays.

Earlier in the year, I realised that it had been some time since I had been in touch with someone I was quite friendly with. I went to our previous DM exchange to send a message, but found I was blocked. I was puzzled by this, as we had always got on well and I knew it was unlikely that I had done something to offend them. And, of course, it could have been a mistake. Over the next few months, I checked a couple of times and found I was still blocked. Earlier this week, I found I had been unblocked and I sent the person a message. There was a plausible and legitimate explanation for the blocking, which I guess involved all accounts that had an adult theme.  It would have been nice to have been warned it was going to happen, but I was pleased to be back in contact over and above anything else.

I also became aware this week that a long-term follower, and someone I had considered to be a friend, had blocked me. Again, I could think of no logical reason why they would do this. I messaged them through other means to ask why they had blocked me and explained that I was puzzled by it. The reply was that it was because I had unfollowed them on Twitter. I hadn’t unfollowed them. Most people who use Twitter know that random follows and unfollows happen frequently. I explained this to the individual concerned. This possibility appears not to have crossed their mind. But, apparently, I was still public enemy number one, as I no longer interacted on Twitter and had not replied to a message sent some time ago. I never received the message, as I was no longer using that particular app. As for not interacting any more, I pointed out that my timeline had very little interaction with anyone, as I no longer had the time to spend on Twitter (although I always respond to DMs).  It seemed that the person concerned jumped to the incorrect conclusion that I was deliberately ignoring them and shutting them out. Instead of sending me a DM or an email, they decided that the appropriate way of approaching the matter was to block me, even though I was completely oblivious to what had happened.

I have noticed on my rare visits to Twitter that there is usually some sniping on my timeline from people reading between the lines and jumping to conclusions about other’s lives. That is a general observation and is not aimed at anyone in particular!   So much context is lost in messaging and on social media and, unless someone specifically tells you the facts, it is impossible to establish what is going on in a person’s mind, or life, purely from reading a few tweets, or from a prolonged silence.  Try giving people the benefit of the doubt sometimes, or better still try and communicate properly with them. Interaction is a two way process. Being friends with someone doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be in constant contact and a lengthy silence shouldn’t be taken as a personal affront, nor should it cause doubt over someone’s integrity. I am not particularly one for inspirational quotes, but I think the image below sends a profound message.

For The Love Of Books


Books… what do they mean to you? Do you like going to the library? How many books do you own? Do you have any recommendations of books others should read? Come on, share your passion (or non-passion) for books…

One of my great loves in life is books, and my earliest memories are of me, in my own little world, with a book.  As soon as I learned to read there was no stopping me; a trip to the local library with my mum and sister was my greatest treat.  I devoured books at speed: desperate to get to the end, yet feeling somewhat sad when that particular journey was over – nothing has changed and I still get a hint of sadness when I finish a book.

I can still picture the hallowed hall of the children’s library; the smell of the polished parquet floor and the dusty aroma of thousands of books.  But what I vividly remember above anything else is the silence. The deathly hush that hung over the rows of bookshelves.  My sister and I knew that we were not to utter a sound; a glare from mum was enough to scare us into silence.  The only sounds that could be heard were the hushed tones of the austere librarians, the clicking of heels on the parquet floor, the rhythmic clunk of the date stamp, and the thud of the cover as the stamped book was closed ready for the borrower to take away to read.   Then, people really did respect that libraries should be silent places, unlike today.

I could never choose books quickly; I had to examine the contents of each shelf carefully and often several times.  I would end up with at least half a dozen books and then spend ages trying to decide which three to take home. Nowadays,  the entitlement is more generous, but, for me,  a trip to a library has never been a short visit.  I am fortunate now that I have a great library a short walk from my home.

At home, I have several shelves filled with books of all kinds, including modern fiction, classics, children’s books, text books, reference books of diverse kinds and a variety of cookery books.  I enjoy books by a wide range of authors, but a couple of particular favourites are Peter James, a British crime writer and Alexander McCall-Smith, a Scottish writer whose books are quite magical.   I always find that reading and books are  topics that can be relied on to get conversations flowing in most situations and, of course, a love of reading shows intelligence. And intelligence is sexy!

My love affair with books took an unexpected twist a few years ago when I developed a serious eye condition, which required a number of operations. I was left unable to see well enough to read comfortably. But, I did the next best thing and downloaded several audio books to save my sanity during the long periods of time spent convalescing and desperately waiting for my sight to improve. One of the most captivating of these was ‘The 100 Year Old Man Who Climbed Out Of The Window And Disappeared.   What made the audio version so amusing and memorable for me is that the book is set in Sweden with Swedish characters, but the narrator is British and reads the parts of the various characters in different British regional accents.

As soon as I got some useful sight back, I borrowed some large-print books from the local library; I was so grateful to be able to actually read a proper book again.  I also downloaded some books to read on my IPad; the facility to be able to increase the text size was invaluable. But, I found I didn’t get as much pleasure from reading in this way as from a normal book. It’s more for convenience; holding a normal book is definitely more enjoyable. Thankfully, I can now see well enough to read normal print books again. But, I no longer read as much as I did. I used to read a couple of books a week. Now, it’s more like one book a month. The discovery of dark Twitter has had a lot to do with that, along with discovering other new interests…

Interestingly, I sorted out a long-forgotten drawer recently, and found this book – a purchase from around nine years ago – long before I had even heard of Twitter.  But I have always had an enquiring mind and obviously liked to vary my reading material, even then…



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A Rant About Being Asked to Follow on Twitter


Twitter is a great place most of the time, but one thing that irks me on occasion is when someone asks me to follow them. These are examples of recent requests:

Where’s the follow?’

‘Follow back’

‘Follow me’

‘Follow so we can DM’

The common factor in most messages like these is that the person requesting rarely uses any niceties. If I wanted something from someone, I would add a please and thank you into my request. Good manners cost nothing in life. So, immediately, messages like those above raise my hackles.

I decide who I follow and I choose to follow accounts that I find interesting, intelligent, amusing, witty, friendly, informative etc. I do not expect those accounts to follow me back. I am interested in what they tweet, but this does not necessarily mean that the feeling is mutual. Nor would I expect it to be. My tweets and pictures won’t appeal to all that I follow and that is absolutely fine.

I am not interested in following accounts that just retweet stuff, especially porn and intimate shots, which is often the case with a lot of those who ask for a follow.  Nor am I interested in reading about football or any other sport. And as is common with those who ask to be followed, there are rarely any original tweets on their timelines.  And, of course, what people tweet is their business – it has nothing to do with anyone else, but the choice of material is not going to be of interest to everyone.

These accounts frequently ask for a follow after they have paid you a compliment. Other than that there has usually been no interaction. It’s not a trade-off – thanks for the compliment, but it does not give you the automatic right to be followed. And good interaction requires more than a comment of ‘nice tits’.

I also get annoyed that there often seems to be an assumption by these accounts that I should want to DM with them, which I don’t.  Just because I tweet the occasional cheeky picture and write a blog that makes reference to sex does not mean I want to receive lewd private messages or see pictures of cocks. I must just point out that for anyone that I do follow and who already DMs, please continue!

Another reason that I don’t follow many people is because I like to keep my timeline manageable,  so I can read everything on it and interact when I can, and have the time to. If I followed hundreds, even thousands of accounts like some seem to, that would be an impossibility.

In case anyone thinks I am a diva, a prima donna or a bit above myself in dictating my rules regarding following  on Twitter, I can assure you I am not.  Most of us on Twitter are normal, everyday people; we are not celebrities, nor are we better or worse than anyone else. Being followed by a woman who is a bit of a saucy minx is not a badge of honour!  I am grateful that people are interested in my account and choose to follow me, but that is not necessarily going to be reciprocated. But I might follow if you are interesting and I like what you tweet.  If anyone changes their mind and chooses to unfollow me, that’s fine – our tastes and interests change over time. But quality of followers and not quantity is always key for me.




Food for Thought Friday #2: The Naked Truth


Are you at ease being naked? Do you feel more comfortable clothed or unclothed? Can you explain why you feel this way?

For me, being at ease with being naked has three distinct elements:

Body Confidence

Putting on weight gradually over a number of years meant that I did not feel particularly confident with the way that my body looked. Part of the way of trying to overcome this was to share tasteful pictures of my body on Twitter. This was a huge step for me, as I wanted to push my boundaries and do something that would usually be out of character for me.  Baring all not only helped to increase my confidence, but also provided an outlet for my exhibitionist side.

I was overwhelmed by the kind and positive comments received in response to my nude form and it was only then I realised that you didn’t have to be thin and petite for both men and women to think your body looked OK. And the fact that you might even be considered to be sexually attractive too was a real bonus! So, this definitely made me more at ease with my own nudity.

I did write a blog post some time ago regarding body confidence and expands the point above further.


I have always been a shy person, but the underlying desire to ‘show my body off’ in some way has been there since around the age of 18. But this urge hasn’t really been allowed to surface until the last couple of years. The fact that I enjoy being naked, and now have more body confidence, helps to fuel the exhibitionist streak. Knowing that someone is sexually aroused as a result of looking at my naked body, whether that be part of a sexual encounter or by looking at photos gives me an enormous confidence boost.

I enjoy posing for photos, albeit mainly indoors by myself, and only for the camera timer, but it would be nice to have an enthusiastic accomplice for this activity.  I have taken a couple of scavenger hunt selfies outdoors, which I did get a thrill out of doing, and I hope to have the opportunity to explore this further.


I absolutely adore being naked outside and have always found it to be an incredibly uplifting and liberating experience.   Unfortunately, I don’t get the opportunity to strip off outdoors as often as I would like due to lack of suitable locations, an overlooked back garden and the UK weather, but I have been able to visit a couple of nudist beaches over the years and have also visited a wonderful naturist spa on a  number of occasions.

At home, I don’t tend to frequently spend long periods of time naked, despite being there for long periods of time by myself; it just doesn’t  occur to me. Although, I may try and make a more of a conscious effort to strip off at home.  I do always sleep naked though – whatever the time of year.  My husband, although not  generally prudish, is not that comfortable with nudity beyond what is deemed necessary. For example, if I walked around in the nude first thing in the morning or last thing at night, he wouldn’t comment, or probably even notice!  But if I did this at other times of the day, I know he would feel  uncomfortable with it. He did visit a nudist beach many years ago with me, and hated the experience.

The feeling of the sun or a light breeze on the naked body is a wonderful experience. To be able to walk around free from clothing. To sit in a hot tub. To be surrounded by other people of all shapes and sizes who are all comfortable in their bodies.When I have been in a naturist environment, I have not found it it to be a sexual experience and certainly have never used it as an opportunity to get a thrill out of people looking at my naked form. In fact, that is far from my mind. A good description for the experience is sensual, which someone used when commenting on my previous blog post on naturism. And I genuinely think that everyone’s body is beautiful in different ways, so what could be more sensual than that?

To summarise,  I am at ease being naked and the type of enjoyment experienced depends on the situation I happen to be naked for!



Wicked Wednesday #4: Believe in Yourself


The prompt for this week’s Wicked Wednesday is ‘Believe in Yourself’.

The beginning of a new year is a fresh start for many of us. Not everyone believes in New Years resolutions, but even so, it is a time to stop and think what you want to accomplish, what you want to try and what you want to stop with. Even if you don’t have any resolutions or ideas for this year, I want to say: believe in yourself! Let’s start this year off on a positive note.

I am conscious that I am opening this post in a negative way… but believing in myself is something that I struggle with immensely. I don’t tend to say much about the way I’m feeling on my blog or on Twitter, as I like to, at least, look positive, even if I don’t feel it.  Low self-esteem and anxiety have both been a big shadow over my life since childhood ;  ‘self-deprecating’ was an expression someone used to describe me very recently. The anxiety has been heightened in the last few years by medical and career issues, which has forced me into a vicious circle of exhausted emotions. I know that a few people I follow on Twitter also experience anxiety and self esteem issues. so I know that I am not alone and among good company!

What I would like to accomplish during this year is to be able to manage these two issues more effectively, to stop being my own worst critic and start believing in myself more. I am not sure that I will ever be able to eliminate them completely, but to be able to make them less intrusive would be an achievement.  I also desperately need to make career changes and try and reduce the anxiety I have surrounding this.

I made some major changes regarding the sexual side of my life in 2015, but I need to ensure that my confidence issues don’t cause this to stagnate, which could happen very easily.

I enjoy writing my blog, and am delighted that people take the time to read it, so I shall endeavour to continue. However, I probably won’t  be blogging about this particular topic very frequently, if ever again!

To finish on a a positive note, this prompt has provided a good opportunity for me to write about something that I would normally avoid sharing with people.  Hopefully, kicking myself up the arse ‘publicly’ will  ensure that I deal with it appropriately and make believing in myself one of my key accomplishments for 2016.

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A Big Thank You & 2015 in Review


I started this blog at Easter, 2015 as an outlet for my random thoughts and to help increase my confidence and push my boundaries.  This time last year, I would never have thought I would have written some of the things that I have, let alone done some of the things I have written about!

I am truly grateful that people take the time to read and comment on  what I have written. Thank you all so very much.


The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2015 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A New York City subway train holds 1,200 people. This blog was viewed about 8,100 times in 2015. If it were a NYC subway train, it would take about 7 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

Wicked Wednesday #3: Highlights of 2015


I decided that I would like to write something for this latest prompt of ‘Summarize’, as I have been thinking over the events of 2015 recently.  I am not sure I would class them all as achievements or accomplishments; I think some could be defined as experiences or quite minor events.  But they have all had an effect on my life or provided enjoyment in some way. And they are not all sex-related!

One thing that I like to do is put a lot of detail into things. I have realised that with my blog posts. I like to ensure that all the facts are there and there is a logical flow. Although, no one else will obviously know if any detail is missing, I  know and I like things to be done properly –  I am very conscientious.  I have deliberately written this as a list  to stop me from giving huge amounts of detail!

Highlights of 2015 (in no particular order)

  1. Starting this blog.
  2. Trying to learn and understand WordPress.
  3. Becoming more confident at sharing my thoughts and writing frankly about sex and other life issues.
  4. Getting the confidence to take part in various blogging memes including Sinful Sunday, Boobday and Wicked Wednesday.
  5. Getting my first Wicked Wednesday post picked as one of Rebel’s top 3.
  6. Visiting a naturist spa.
  7. Addressing the issue of lack of sex in my marriage.
  8. Experiencing new sexual partners.
  9. Feeling sexually attractive and desirable.
  10. Experiencing oral sex again after an absence of 20 years. And getting an orgasm!
  11. Plucking up the courage to ask for a Doxy for my birthday.
  12. Reading extensively and gaining a new perspective on the issue of monogamy.
  13. Taking some sexy selfies in public places.
  14. Making some wonderful friends on Twitter.
  15. Experiencing some ‘interesting’ Skype calls with a great Twitter friend on the other side of the world.
  16. Undertaking training for some voluntary work involving public speaking for a charity.
  17. Visiting the V&A museum and Tate Modern for the first time in London.
  18. Undergoing some successful surgical treatment for an eye condition.
  19. Making some new (and good) friends in real life.
  20. Having a successful course of laser hair removal.
  21. Spending enjoyable holidays at the seaside in Norfolk and Dorset.
  22. Seeing an abundance of red squirrels at Brownsea Island in September.
  23. Getting round to replacing my passport, which expired three years ago.

I am slightly irritated that I have not got a nice round number of entries in my list. In 2016 I shall endeavour to keep a journal of positive events to make this task easier next time!

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A Rant About Sexual Elitism



Several weeks ago, something was retweeted into my Twitter timeline, which made me feel uncomfortable and has played on my mind since.

It was from an account that had recently been created to offer private sex parties, by invitation, for couples. Nothing wrong with that at all. The thing that troubled me was that it specified that the guests had to be in good shape. By this I assumed it meant physically, as in having a toned and fit body. The photos of people who were obviously involved in this event showed slim bodies with washboard stomachs.

My reason for having a rant  is not because I had a burning desire to attend this particular sex party; it is because I find it sad that being seen as having an imperfect body (both male and female)  can imply somehow that you are not worthy of being sexually attractive or good enough to be included in this type of event.

I certainly wouldn’t fit the ‘in shape’ requirement and I doubt my other perceived imperfections would make me welcome among the ‘elite’ either. It just makes me wonder where those  who aren’t ‘in shape’ and don’t have gym-toned bodies and flat stomachs fit in with this kind of event should they wish to attend one?  That also includes those of us that society deems as unattractive or imperfect in other ways.   Are we all to be put into the misfit category and made to feel that our bodies aren’t attractive enough to be seen naked and to arouse others?

I personally prefer a cuddly man with plenty of flesh; a six-pack does little for me. And, certainly, according to the opinions shown on Twitter, many men love a larger and curvaceous lady.  The fact that we might have great personalities and  amazing sexual techniques seems to be irrelevant in certain circles.

Obviously, these are private events and the organisers are at liberty to invite or decline whomever they choose. And, of course, there are much larger, well-known companies offering similar events to the ‘beautiful people’ of society. A quick internet search revealed that the term ‘sexual elite’ is used by many organisers of sex parties and the majority specify that the participants have to be highly attractive. Sex isn’t the domain of the young, fit, able-bodied, slim and beautiful, etc etc, people of society! We all are capable of being sexy and experiencing sexual desire regardless of our imperfections!

I know that if I ever had the confidence and inclination to go to a sex party (never say never…), I wouldn’t want to be clothed or naked around anyone that displayed a shallow, narrow-minded attitude and judged anyone on their appearance or body shape/size. I would much prefer to be among a bunch of like-minded and kind-hearted people with big personalities and ‘imperfect’ bodies any day!

Hopefully, there are some people who have a non-judgemental approach and do offer well-organised and tasteful parties that do welcome all shapes, sizes and types of people without bias. Maybe there’s a business opportunity here – Miss Scarlet’s Sex Parties for the Proud Bodily Imperfect…!


A Rant About ‘Obesity’



I recently decided to check my body mass index (BMI) on the NHS website. Apparently, I am considered obese as my BMI is 32.9. I am quite heavy and I am of average height for a woman, so I was not surprised by this score. It’s recommended that I should be eating between 1731-2225 calories per day. In reality I would be surprised if I did actually consume more than the maximum recommendation of 2225. I would love to be in the region of 10 stone and 6 pounds, the maximum ideal weight for my height, but I doubt that is ever going to happen again.

I know I am overweight, but…

I eat very healthily.

I don’t like high-fat food such as pastry, burgers and sausages.

I drink around 8 units of alcohol a week.

I eat lots of chicken, fish, fruit and veg.

I love cheese, but rarely eat, or buy it. I consider it a rare   treat.

I don’t have large meals.

I only use extra-virgin olive oil, in small quantities, to cook with.

I love puddings and chocolate, but I am very careful to limit these to occasional treats.

I generally don’t snack in between meals other than on fruit, or an occasional low-calorie biscuit.

I walk between 3 and 5 miles each day, at a relatively fast pace. I should probably do more vigorous exercise.

I wear size 14 jeans and leggings.

My top half is generally a size 18 because of accommodating my boobs!

I have normal blood pressure and cholesterol readings

I don’t smoke and never have.

I have no aches and pains or joint problems, but I do suffer from PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome), which can make weight easy to gain, but difficult to lose.

On my last visit for an over-40 health check, the practice nurse was surprised at my weight and didn’t think I looked as heavy as I was. However, I was pleased that she did not seem unduly concerned about it either.

I do have a fat belly area, and always have had, but my legs, bum and hips are not too troublesome.

I was interested to listen to Dr Malcolm Kendrick on the Steve Wright show on Radio 2 last week. He was talking about health myths, and it is interesting to hear there is no medical study to support that a BMI over 30 defines a person as obese. Apparently, a 650 page report from a World Health Organisation meeting in 1995, documented that:

‘the reason why we decided that a BMI of greater than 30 is defined as obesity is largely arbitrary’.

It was also interesting to hear that the evidence for the five portions of fruit and veg a day rule is non-existent. Someone, somewhere once decided this should be a guideline.

Clip from the Steve Wright show

Basically, the message from Dr Kendrick is, do what makes you happy, but be sensible and do some exercise. Which, of course, is all common sense.

I am finally learning to accept my body shape. If I am considered as obese by an arbitrary rating system, so be it. I know I lead a relatively healthy lifestyle and don’t abuse my body. We are all individuals, with differing factors affecting our bodies and health, and the labels attached to us by society aren’t always justified.