The Food for Thought Friday question this week…
What would constitute a deal-breaker in terms of finding someone attractive? List the top three things that would be a serious turn off for you; it can be physical, a personality quirk, a habit… whatever does NOT float your boat!
My biggest dislike in life is smoking, of any kind, and it is one area where I will not compromise my principles. I was more tolerant when I was younger, but as I have aged, I know what I do and do not like. If I get a flu or cold-type illness, it always affects my chest very badly, and I believe that this is a result of being around people that smoked, when I was younger. I was in contact with someone recently and it turned out they were a smoker, so despite their desperate pleas that they were trying to give up, it was a definite no thank you from me as they were still smoking. I cannot bear the smell that surrounds smokers and the thought of kissing someone that smokes really turns me off. I can honestly say that for me this is a definite dealbreaker. You could be my ideal man, my perfect partner, irresistible in every way, but if you smoked, I would flatly turn you down.
I have never been impressed by arrogant or cocky men. I am not the type to swoon and simper and be impressed by a show of being ‘Jack the lad’. I am more likely to give a Paddington Bear-type hard stare and think what a complete and utter jerk they are. I am a fairly reserved character, and while I appreciate an outgoing personality in others to bring me out of myself, I think people can be extrovert without being arrogant. For example, I cannot bear the TV programme ‘The Apprentice’. I saw ten minutes of it once and that was enough. The egos that feature are good examples of the type of person that I cannot abide.
In life in general, this is a trait I abhor, so in a relationship or sexual encounter, it is a true dealbreaker. Perhaps I should have grouped this trait together with arrogance under a general heading of narcissism, but there are a few actions that are guaranteed to make me mad, so I wanted to list these specifically:
- Monopolising a conversation.
- Making any conversation about the other person
- Talking over the other person
- Showing no interest in what the other person has to say
- Not listening
- Only being in contact when they want something
I could go on, but I am sure you get the picture and no doubt we all know a number of people like this! I have experienced many people with some or all of these habits. I met someone last year who turned every conversation around to himself and talked over me and other people incessantly. In the end, I figured it was just easier to say very little as I wasn’t being listened to. And that was the end of that!
It was quite difficult to think of things that would be absolute dealbreakers. I think I can be quite intolerant sometimes, but often the things that annoy me are quite minor and too trivial to be dealbreakers. If you like someone, you can change your mindset on certain things. But, those minor things can become dealbreakers if the spark is more of a damp squib or one party is less keen than the other I guess. One other thing I did consider as was poor personal hygiene, but, to play devil’s advocate, perhaps if it is addressed in the correct way. it can be dealt with, whereas the personality traits I raised above are generally ingrained in someone’s character. But, as always, first impressions are so important and I certainly would not want to be intimate with someone with poor hygiene.
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