A Rant About ‘Obesity’

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I recently decided to check my body mass index (BMI) on the NHS website. Apparently, I am considered obese as my BMI is 32.9. I am quite heavy and I am of average height for a woman, so I was not surprised by this score. It’s recommended that I should be eating between 1731-2225 calories per day. In reality I would be surprised if I did actually consume more than the maximum recommendation of 2225. I would love to be in the region of 10 stone and 6 pounds, the maximum ideal weight for my height, but I doubt that is ever going to happen again.

I know I am overweight, but…

I eat very healthily.

I don’t like high-fat food such as pastry, burgers and sausages.

I drink around 8 units of alcohol a week.

I eat lots of chicken, fish, fruit and veg.

I love cheese, but rarely eat, or buy it. I consider it a rare   treat.

I don’t have large meals.

I only use extra-virgin olive oil, in small quantities, to cook with.

I love puddings and chocolate, but I am very careful to limit these to occasional treats.

I generally don’t snack in between meals other than on fruit, or an occasional low-calorie biscuit.

I walk between 3 and 5 miles each day, at a relatively fast pace. I should probably do more vigorous exercise.

I wear size 14 jeans and leggings.

My top half is generally a size 18 because of accommodating my boobs!

I have normal blood pressure and cholesterol readings

I don’t smoke and never have.

I have no aches and pains or joint problems, but I do suffer from PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome), which can make weight easy to gain, but difficult to lose.

On my last visit for an over-40 health check, the practice nurse was surprised at my weight and didn’t think I looked as heavy as I was. However, I was pleased that she did not seem unduly concerned about it either.

I do have a fat belly area, and always have had, but my legs, bum and hips are not too troublesome.

I was interested to listen to Dr Malcolm Kendrick on the Steve Wright show on Radio 2 last week. He was talking about health myths, and it is interesting to hear there is no medical study to support that a BMI over 30 defines a person as obese. Apparently, a 650 page report from a World Health Organisation meeting in 1995, documented that:

‘the reason why we decided that a BMI of greater than 30 is defined as obesity is largely arbitrary’.

It was also interesting to hear that the evidence for the five portions of fruit and veg a day rule is non-existent. Someone, somewhere once decided this should be a guideline.

Clip from the Steve Wright show

Basically, the message from Dr Kendrick is, do what makes you happy, but be sensible and do some exercise. Which, of course, is all common sense.

I am finally learning to accept my body shape. If I am considered as obese by an arbitrary rating system, so be it. I know I lead a relatively healthy lifestyle and don’t abuse my body. We are all individuals, with differing factors affecting our bodies and health, and the labels attached to us by society aren’t always justified.

A few words on the magic of daydreams

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I have always been a daydreamer. My school reports always said ‘… is a daydreamer’ or ‘spends too much time daydreaming’. And nothing has changed. I still while away hours, deep in thought,  daydreaming… wondering about what ifs, paths I wish I had chosen in life, missed opportunities …. The magic of daydreams is often so much better than the harsh realities of life.

One of the things I often daydream about is sex. I imagine being lusted after, being desired, being told I’m beautiful and sexy, having opportunities to try new experiences, being confident of my sexuality, feeling a stiff cock pressing in my back, driving someone crazy with desire… You get the picture.

I feel like I live in a fantasy world sometimes, as the reality is that none of this happens in my life at present.

But I am hopeful that the magic I daydream of will become reality soon enough. And I know that it’s only me that can make that magic happen. But it will happen.

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Wicked Wednesday: Monogamy

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I haven’t participated in Wicked Wednesday before, but when I saw the prompt of Monogamy, I felt I should put some of my thoughts down, as it is a subject that is very much on my mind at the moment.

A couple of months ago, I wrote a blog post about the lack of sex in my marriage, which is due to a number of reasons. In that post, I considered whether non-monogamy might be the way forward for our marriage. I read a great deal around this subject before suggesting it as a possibility. I subsequently posted an update on my blog, following discussion of the issues with my husband. To summarise, we have very different sexual desires, including his immense dislike of any type of oral sex, and he has no interest in sex at the present time. This is a paragraph from the update.

One constant throughout has been his appreciation of my frankness and honesty. But, he admitted that he can’t provide me with sexual fulfilment and acknowledged our differences in that respect. Consequently, he has given me freedom to seek other sexual partners if I feel the need for fulfilment, However, for him, sex is not a priority at present.’

Following that discussion, which was two months ago,  we have not discussed the matter again, and I think perhaps that has been a mistake on my part. I felt quite emotionally drained after the last discussion, and it took some time for me to accept my new situation.

Our day-to-day lives seemed to get back to normal pretty quickly, and it is almost as though nothing has changed. But, I am conscious that it has.

Incidentally, we usually communicate well on all other aspects of life and marriage, and used to communicate well regarding sex. He has a huge amount of freedom to pursue his technical interests and I never complain about the amount of time he spends on them. I know a lot of women would not be quite as tolerant. But it is important to have flexibility and give-and-take in a marriage, and I think that applies to monogamy too. Particularly when desires and needs in a relationship are poles apart.

The thing that is playing on my mind the most is setting some guidelines for the arrangement to work. I had planned to raise the matter for discussion again this week, but each time I went to say something,  I stopped myself.  I know this sounds ridiculous as I have done the hard bit in raising the subject initially, which he was appreciative of. I don’t want to be deceitful, so it is important that I know if he wants me to tell him if I have made arrangements to meet someone, or whether he would prefer that I kept things to myself. I know that the key to any type of open relationship is communication, communication, communication!

I am worried that raising it again will hurt and distress him. But the silly thing is that he prefers plain talking. and I suspect he might think I have already had meetings given his consent in our last discussion. I think the new ‘elephant in the room’ might be caused by me feeling guilty.

I contemplated forgetting the whole idea, but I really want, and need, some passion, and to experience being desired again. I know that if I keep avoiding the matter and it does end up forgotten, I will deeply regret a  missed opportunity.

 

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